Friday, March 30, 2012

just letting you know, I love you

I have so many things to blog about. so many that I do not even know where to start. My guess is that all of my siblings are already aware of my blog. adik aku yang paling bongsu tu kan, dia boleh siap copy paste profile aku ni ha. Sampai part "FYI, ashburn is my dad. Real one. he's a Malay though" tu pun ada. Haha. Senyum sendiri la weh. Bagus jugak diorang tahu. sometimes, ada benda yang kau tak mampu luahkan face to face, tapi boleh tulis kan? So here goes, to all of my siblings.


I was heartbroken when I read your blog. the fact that you do not feel that we love you. if only you knew. i grew up with the same kind of feeling, you see. I despised my teenage years and I blamed my parents for so many wrong reasons. you couldn't see our good intentions, not yet. Soon enough, you'll understand this. Kau marahkan edad, sebab dia selalu cari pasal dengan kau, kan? Kecik- kecik dulu, along tu, bukannya nak layan aku elok-elok pun. hari-hari gaduh. aku dulu siap baling periuk kat dia, kau nampakkan satu periuk nasi yang dah kemek tu? skrg ni, along tu la satu-satunya lelaki yang sokong aku buat training dalam gym, lelaki lain, bila aku sebut je pasal weighlifting, ha semua malas layan. dia rasa perempuan patut duduk rumah je. ok, selingan lah ni kan huhu. bila kau dah sampai umur ni, baru kau nampak sayang abang kau, sayang kakak kau. it takes years, believe me. but you'll get to this point. your brother is just being protective. sometimes, overprotective. Dia tak nak kau kawan dengan orang yang salah, sebab tu kau nampak kan dia mesti nak marah kau je setiap kali dia nampak kau hang out dgn kawan-kawan kau tu kan? 


rasa macam hati ni kena siat-siat je bila aku fikir balik zaman remaja dulu. giler ape ikut fesyen entah apa-apa, 24 jam melawan cakap umi ayah, konon kawanlah paling cool. kau tengok kawan sek menengah aku, berapa orang je stay? boleh bilang dengan jari, dik. kalau boleh aku tarik setiap perkataan yang dulu aku guna utk sakitkan hati umi ayah, kalau boleh. I don't want you to grow up making the same mistake. No one in this family would tell you how much they love you, but they do, in every single way. 


Even aku ni tengok kau, jealous. bahagianya jadi anak bongsu. ada satu time tu, waktu kau kecik, aku tak sengaja terjatuhkan kau. Siap kena pukul, tau? kata umi, tak pandai jaga adik. menangis weh, semalaman menangis. Aku pun kecik juga time tu. darjah 5 kot. aku fikir waktu tu, umi lagi sayang kau dari aku. Now, I do hope that she loves you more than me. sebab aku dah rasa betapa banyak kasih sayang dari family kita, sampaikan aku tak rasa nak berkira dah. 


Umi tak bagi kau something, bukan sebab dia tak nak. ada sebabnya. ayah dulu, kalau mintak duit, mintak rm1, dapat rm1 je la. tak ada lebih, tak ada kurang. aku fikir, kedekutnya ayah aku ni. bila besar macamni, baru nampak penat lelah ayah kerja. dia simpan duit untuk family. sebab tu dia taknak boros. kau esok, bila kau ada duit sendiri pun, baru kau tahu penat mana nak cari duit tu. ada ayah pernah cakap, dia jarang beli baju baru sebab nak dahulukan beli baju anak-anak? umur tua macam ni baru nak realize pengorbanan ayah, sakit, sakit hati ni, dulu tak cuba nak jadi anak yang memahami. 


untung, kau ada 5 lagi adik beradik kat atas. semuanya boleh jaga kau. boleh tengok- tengokkan kau. dulu aku kerja penat-penat kat NZ pun, sebab nak bawa adik beradik, may ayah datang sini. bawa duit balik Malaysia, sebab nak tolong family kita, sekadar yang mampulah. bahagia hati, tau, bila dapat belanja adik-adik makan? itu bahagia aku jadi kakak. I can sacrifise anything for my family. I always tell you, jangan, jangan kawan dengan orang yang salah. belajar rajin- rajin. sometimes, orang marah, bukan sebab dia benci. dia takut kau buat pilihan yang salah. zaman sekarang ni lagilah. macam-macam benda boleh jadi.


at least, lapang hati aku bila kau kata, seburuk mana pun family aku, aku tetap sayang diorang. Family, dik, is the only one yang takkan berhenti sayangkan kau. tengok, betapa buruknya perangai aku dulu, kalau umi ayah tak sayang aku, agaknya sekarang ni dah dibuang. jadi sampah masyarakat je. tak ada nak berjaya sampai sekarang. I would give anything up so that you wouldn't go through what I've been through at school. Diejek sebab rupa, memang sakit. tapi, nanti kau belajar, kau belajar jadi orang yang lagi kuat. and I promise you, one fine day, when I have the money, I would do anything I can to help you. sayang aku kat kau, dik. sayang. aku ni dulu, bila ayah ada kat tempat earthquake kat padang, indonesia tu barulah menyesal, barulah nak bertaubat, taknak sakitkan hati dia lagi. you don't want to feel that, trust me. coz if you lose one of your family members, I can guarantee you, the wound heals, but the scar remains. 


Jangan jadi macam aku yang dulu, dik. kalau aku salah,then aku yang salah. kadang-kadang kakak, abang ni tau dia salah, tapi ego masing-masing. taknak mengaku. panjang dah aku tulis ni ha. Please, do know that we love you. jangan ada sikit pun kat hati tu yang kata kitorang tak sayangkan kau. setan yang bisik tu. ok. aku tak mau tulis dah, teruk sangat dah menangis ni. Huhu
     
i miss the good old times :D

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

the end of our Euro trip

2 hari terakhir kat Europe, tinggal aku dgn aishah je. kalau ikutkan, memang nak duduk lagi lama. tambah- tambah bila 25 & 26hb tu Christmas. tube tak ada, bas tak jalan. duduk rumah je la. call airasia, nak stay sampai 28hb. duit ada tak ada, fikir kemudian haha. tapi sebab dah check in, tak dapat la nak stay lama lagi :(

25hb tu memang bosan la. nak berjalan pun tak dapat. tuan rumah pergi makan kat rumah kawan dia. kemas barang nak balik Malaysia, then aku dgn aishah decide nak masak untuk diorang. banyak berjasa diorang ni. kalau tak ada diorang, memang banyaklah duit habis duduk kat hostel. so, aku masak ayam lemak, aishah masak ayam masak merah. licin. alhamdulillah. seronok tengok haha. kebetulan ada birthday celebration salah seorang housemate tuan rumah ni. kitorang siap bagi coklat dari germany kot. haha.

26hb, bertolak pukul 10 pagi. sempat masak nasi lemak siap. and..sempat lagi kitorang pergi tengok boxing day sale. depan rumah je pun. aku sempat grab satu bag je. tak dapat tambah beli kasut Clarks sebab takut lambat sampai airport. sob sob. btw, Clarks pun murah kat sini. mintak tolong kawan-kawan kat London ni bawakkan beg. Baik hati betul. teman sampai ke stesen bas lagi. susah payah je bawa bag kitorang yang berat ni hehe 


aku kira, banyak pengalaman manis dapat sepanjang berjalan ke europe ni. lebih penting, dapat jumpa ramai kawan baru yang baik-baik semuanya. terharu sangat layanan diorang. Insyaallah, stay kawan sampai ke akhirnya. Harapan, semoga dapat pergi europe balik. Honeymoon sini sedap jugak ye? haha. next time, nak tour satu germany dengan pergi Spain. Spanish aku pun makin lama makin tak ingat. Thank you all. Much love from Att. chewah XD

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

In London

 Day 7, 8- orang kata, dah alang-alang ke London tu, biarlah jejak kaki ke Harrods, ye tak? time ni pulak memang tengah christmas sale. wa cakap la, memang murah giler barang kat sini. that explains asal ramai je mampu pakai barang branded kat sini. setakat GAP, FCUK, tu semua orang tak pandanglah. ZARA, DKNY. haih. itu sebab orang kata tak perlu berlagak kalau boleh beli barang-barang berjenama ni. alih-alih kat UK juga half price dr kat msia. tapi beli barang jenama Harrords je lah kat sini. handbag umi, wallet ayah. ada aku beli satu beg tu, kat sini dalam 10 pound rasanya, so rm50+, tengok kat KLCC, rm99. tercekik I. 


in front of Harrords
harga bear je dah 200pound. giler XD
lepas habis beli semua, pergi London school of economics and politics. Zaki bawa pergi kolej dia. kolej orang-orang pandai hehe.



then, kitorang pergi makan kat Bayswater, tempat Malaysian Hall. sedap dan murah. kitorang beli souvenir pun kat sini. Ada banyak deret kedai, so harga memang durian runtuh la. memang borong untuk family. tshirt london terutamanya haha. Esok pula, pergi ke Oxford St. beli baju sikit, nak cari jam tapi tak jumpa. Last-last beli kat airport je. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

3 months is all I need

last post, 13th of feb. fuh. kalau dalam dunia blogging tu, memang kira lama dah tu. So many things have happened, so many things have taken place. Never ending assignments, as usual, is in the top of the list. Plus the depression of living in sg petani, sorry to say. I feel sorry for myself, I'm so used to living in a big city, duk kampung sikit, mulalah mengeluh. haish. not that sg petani is really a kampung, I wouldn't put it that way. Just that. well. No attractions, no scenery. No nothing.


But ah. At least there are gyms around here. A very good news for me. and so, I decided to join Empire Gym for 6 months starting from last February. Actually, am doing a 3 months training so that I'll be in my best shape to take on the Personal Trainer Course. and for Umie's wedding as well haha. 


Well. gym. what can I say about gym? I have to admit, it has been my second home ever since. I go there 5 times a week, train as hard as I could. Tabata, HIT, weightlifting and many more. I'm pushing way beyond my limit. I found it funny that sometimes I could be underestimated by the men in the gym, and sometimes to be stared at, as if I'm an alien stranded on earth. Of course, girls doing weightlifting? a big no-no in Malaysia, especially when you hear that silly misconceptions about being bulky, looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc. Ridiculous. I've been lifting weight since last year, and believe me, you'll build muscles, but not like guys- la. haish. and of course, don't ask me to give up on weightlifting. If you find it funny for girls to do lifting, then you are more than welcomed to just sit in the corner and brisk walk on a treadmill like a girl. I ain't ordinary girl :)


About the 3 months training? oh. that involves clean diet as well. Meaning that, I can't eat deep fried food, I can't consume too much sugar. Sambal, santan, nasi lemak, roti canai, lupakan. it's all about determination now. I can't believe it's been 1 week since I last ate lauk berminyak ok. for future, yes, for future. 


i'll probably end up as a personal trainer. who knows, who knows.. 

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